This setting is too high on my engagement ring

OK, ready? Ready. Let’s talk about what to look out for when buying an engagement ring. The practical, no-nonsense issues that arise. The question of whether or not your jeweler can lower the setting on your engagement ring is not always an easy question to answer

Lowering the setting on your engagement ring isn’t always possible

“Can you lower the setting?”

“I see this other stone that sits almost all the way down on the ring. Can you take this one carat round brilliant diamond and set it in a lower setting?”

The short answer is no. And it pains me to say this. I’ve spent many years as a customer service and retail professional, and it was drilled into me over and over that you never tell a customer “no”. But that is the most accurate answer.

Some stones are cut differently. A rose cut diamond has a flat bottom and a faceted top. This kind of stone can be set in a bezel that sits barely above the ring. But a round brilliant cut has a part called the pavilion – that’s the angled part on the underside of the stone. If it’s set lower than that sharp point (called a cullet), the stone will poke into your finger.

Some stones need to height and open space of a certain kind of setting to show off it’s fire and brilliance. And some rings simply aren’t appropriate for every person, finger or lifestyle.

Consider when and how you’ll wear your ring. If you only wear it for special occasions, or during your engagement period, then maybe you’ll be fine with a tall setting. But if you plan to wear it daily, then keeping your engagement ring setting lower makes a lot of sense.

What are the alternatives to a high setting on your engagement ring?

Ideally you will be working with a jeweler who is capable of explaining all of this with some patience and empathy. After all, we are the experts, why should we expect you to know all of the ins and outs of building an engagement ring?

A skilled jeweler will be able to come up with some alternatives, suggestions and explanations. But please note – they are not magicians. Jewelers obey math and physics much more than you might think. And there are many obstacles that science and math cannot overcome.

What your jeweler might tell you about lowering the setting on your engagement ring

Over the years, I have answered this question about lowering the setting for many clients and in many different ways. Here are some samples of questions I’ve received and the variety of answers I’ve given. You might encounter these answers when you are in the process of finding that perfect ring.

I like the look of this ring, but the setting is too tall – can it be lowered?

• “Talk to me about what the concern is with a taller setting. Are you worried that it will get caught on things? Is it that it feel structurally unsound? Share your concerns with me and let’s brainstorm some solutions.”

• “That depends on which stone you choose for this ring – lots of my styles can be modified, but the height of the setting has to be determined by the height of the stone. If we go with a smaller stone, or a shallower stone, then the setting can be a little lower.”

• “If you are concerned about your ring snagging, maybe we should set it in a bezel setting, that way there will be no prongs poking up.”

• “Prongs are often set high to maximize the amount of light and refraction that make your stone sparkle. If we alter the setting, we can give this ring a different look, but that will affect how your stone appears. Would you be open to that?”

Ideally, your jeweler will share these insights with you and will use diplomacy when chatting with you about your options. I hope you know that a good jeweler won’t get snarky about this question.

What are your other options for a lower setting?

Sometimes, it isn’t just the height of the setting that makes an engagement ring appear so tall. If a tall-ish setting is set upon a thinner ring, the setting will appear very tall. In that case, one other option might be to make the band taller or thicker, that way the stone won’t be sticking up as much.

Change your expectations

There isn’t much that can be done to lower a setting if the stone itself is very tall, so consider what your other stone options might be. Rose cuts, portrait cuts and others make for much lower diamonds and sapphires than a round, cushion, or princess cut can.

If you are OK sacrificing some traditional looks or willing to sacrifice the extra brilliance from a full cut stone, then your options for a lower setting expand.

Do you have questions about how to get a lower setting on your engagement ring?

Ask your questions in the comments!

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